Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Uncontrollable Emotions!

My moods are out of control, it’s ridiculous!! I can’t tell good decisions from bad ones. It’s not until they are back to normal I realise what a nightmare I have been and then I have to go around apologising to everyone. It’s frustrating!!

I also seem to make up things in my head and act upon it. I could be sitting there minding my own business then a thought would enter my mind, the thought upsets me and then I take it out on the person that I am thinking about regardless as to whether they have done anything wrong. I’ve even reached the stage where my instincts tell me not to be happy and act upset without any justification or reason behind the mood that I am in.

Recently I took a phone call from an ignorant client, he wasn’t overly rude but he wound me up for some reason to the point where I saw red and put the phone down on him. I was suspended from work for a week with full pay, I knew it was my hormones and stress but I also know that they would not understand, especially with a male boss. They would be like oh another bloody woman blaming her actions on hormones!!. So I just took the punishment. Ordinarily I can deal with wankers on the phone in a calm and professional manner.

Right now I have dumped my boyfriend because I feel like it, I have decided that I am not happy in the relationship although last month it was the best relationship ever...WTF!! I’m not sure if he will take me back this time, I tend to dump him a lot and I am completely irrational and he said that he has had enough because I’m not doing anything about it...Whoops

The problem is when I am really hormonal, I have a very low self esteem and I think that I am fat and ugly and why is he with me. I am completely needy and I push everyone away. I don’t think I am capable of anything and I don’t want to do anything, just sit and be depressed. I think I have bought nearly every sad film available which is just pathetic but for some reason it makes me feel better.

In my head I want to diet and exercise but the thought is taken over by Hmmm MacDonald’s Big Mac with large fries with a large full fat coke. My fella said it’s like watching me self harm myself and he always says that I cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do you stop when you don’t even know you’re doing it???

So being the sad geek that I am I decided to look up mood swings and PCOS on the net, and this is what I found...

Understanding Mood Swings and PCOS

PCOS is the result of a misdirected endocrine system, a cascade of hormonal imbalances that have very real and very serious affects on the body as well as on the mind. Each and every cell of the body is a buzzing energy factory with numerous receptors or docking sites on its surface that allow hormones and other nutrients to latch on and perform their specialized tasks.

Our bodies require that specific levels of these hormones be maintained. In a complex response system, based in part on the amount of different hormones that successfully locate and latch on to their own receptor sites on the cell’s surface, the body monitors and adjusts the levels of hormones and other active constituents such as glucose.

If the body senses that a hormone level is too low, it will stimulate the production of more hormones. If it senses that it’s too high, it will stop production and possibly even send in another specific kind of molecule to remove the excess, as it does with excess glucose which is stored as fat. In the case of perfect health, our systems work well. However, because of disease, genetics and lifestyle factors such as nutrition, exercise and stress, this highly sensitive system is often thrown out of kilter. (This makes a lot of sense...hmmm)

How Can We Alter This Course?

Exercise is the single most important first step in the treatment of insulin resistance that we all can do on our own. Within days of starting a regular exercise program, our body’s systems begin to respond to the exertion of energy. Endorphins are released in the brain, stimulating the immune system and softening the strangle-hold on mood swings and depression. (Easier bloody said that done!!)

And it doesn’t have to cost a bundle. What is necessary, however, is that we approach a daily exercise regimen as if our lives depend on it…which they do. The problem is, it’s difficult – if not impossible – to get going if our mind is overwhelmed with thoughts of hopelessness and fear. This is when we need a support group, a group of walkers or a group of women with PCOS, who support us in motivating ourselves into taking that first walk and continue each day after that. (This is sooo true, if I had someone to help motivate me I would have lost the 2 stones I need to get back into my BMI by now as trying to do it alone is almost impossible, I am going to find me a GET FIT BUDDY!!)

Consulting with a health care provider is also important because, depending on your PCOS symptoms, you may still require medication. In the meantime, taking a few steps to improve your overall health will help support your progress. In addition to exercise, improving your diet and reducing your stress levels will help stabilize your insulin and glucose levels and improve hormonal balance.

It would be interesting to read how other PCOS suffers deal with these damn mood swings??

23 comments:

  1. reading this blog was very interesting!
    im 15 and i might have PCOS. i cry constantly, mostly for no reason AT ALL. It is true that it is annoying. I struggled with depression about 6 months ago, but i suddenly realized life was too short and valuable to be depressed and to cry all the time; we have to enjoy ourselves and the people around us! But as you said... its always easier said than done. My parents constantly piss me off and nag me with pointless crap, and thehy have no idea how it is for me, and that since i get really emotional really easily, i cry a LOT because of them. In one week, i have lost my ipod, in which i use every day, so it's quite different not to have it.. and my favorite necklace. They are in my house somewhere, but i just can't find it! and its rather upsetting!! My parents told me it's because i "leave everything everywhere", and then they yelled at me some bunch. So, right now i've been crying for about 30-45 minutes... and i was just wondering if maybe you or anyone has cried for this long for actually, no good reason at all...

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I get this way as well and tend to blame someone in whom i will not mention. Makes me think of starting my own blog site.

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  3. Hi I’m Lez-Lee. I don’t know where to start as there is so much that I’ve got flowing round in thought.
    Well I’ve only been diagnosed with PCOS just recently and can I just say it really p****d me off to the point where I got depressed because I kept all my thoughts and feelings to myself. You know to let people see you’re strong and untouchable. Boy was that the wrong plan of action.
    It’s funny how I came to getting diagnosed as I only went to get tested to figure why I wasn’t getting my period! Myself and my wife where going to start trying for a baby from home but couldn’t due to never knowing when to try and the obvious point of me not getting my periods. So after many tests I was told I had PCOS... (Head in hands it still kills just thinking about it)
    My world crumbled beneath me and I didn’t know how to react. To some people it’s wouldn’t bother them to have PCOS and could deal with it easily. No not me I was and still am so angry. It’s hard enough trying to have children when you’re in a same sex relationship but to have this in your way as well it’s just wasn’t what I hoped or expected.
    I feel like I can’t speak to my partner about how I’m feeling as I know she will just say it will be ok and that it could have been something worse and I really don’t want to hear that right now. I need a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen to my fears.
    If I’m just blabbering on I’m so sorry but this is the first time since I’ve found out about the PCOS that I’m really talking about it and maybe even dealing with it’s a little.
    I sit for hours and ask myself so many questions. “What have I don’t that was so bad to deserve this”? Am I paying for someone else’s bad deeds”? I’m sure I’ll never get the answers but I sit and think and think and think. I think to the point of getting really upset and really down. I have no one to talk to even though my partner has said she is always there if I want to talk. But how will she understand just how I’m feeling?
    Since I’ve found out I’ve become so angry and even more distant to how I normally am. I’m not confident in any way and I can’t even go to the gym without my partner. I try going alone but I get so anxious that I have to leave. I’ve even taken to rather staying alone in my room and reading as I don’t feel like I’m the best company. I looked online a few weeks ago and saw the nickname for PCOS is “THE WOMANHOOD THIEF”! I thought to myself that is so true. I’ve probably always had PCOS and that would explain so much about my body. E.g. hairy arms and body, small breasts and major moods. That’s my whole womanhood right there gone and now to find out that it’s going to cost myself and my partner thousands of pounds to go private for IVF and knowing that it might not work I’m ready too lose my insanity.
    Now I’ve realised that I spend most of my time being down but that’s not just since I’ve found out about the PCOS it’s been so long that I’ve gotten used to it. The only reason why I’ve had to acknowledge it is because my partner has started to pick up on it and pointing it out to me. It’s even started to wedge a gap between us because I’m tired all day every day and I feel low about life a lot. I don’t even notice when my mood changes but she does. I would love to be a happy person all the time but there’s nothing I can do till I’ve been given proper options.
    So even though I try my best to show a happy face in front of my wife and our 6 year old son I’m breaking inside and I don’t know what to do to stop this feeling. I feel less of a woman and wife because I can’t do what other wives can so easily do for their partners.
    All I need is someone to talk to that can actually say “I know how you feel” and be able to talk to me from experience.
    Thank you for reading my Mix Mash Story
    Lez-Lee

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  4. it's ruining my Life

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  5. Help! Please anyone out there... I feel like I'm literal dying. I know I need help. I'm emotionally a wreck. This is not my normal behavior. For the last few days I been acting like a total jerk with everyone I come across. I just can't be like this. Omg I know I need help. I was diagnosed at age 15. Never really payed much attention. Today has got to be the worst day in my life. I'm currently 25 years old. I've never felt this way. I really need help. I've only pushed everyone away. Now for the first time in days I'm able to let that non scene of frustration out by crying. I need help desperately. No one understands how i feel. This awful feeling usually only last 1 day before my cycle begins. But not for almost a week like right now. What's going on..? Has anyone gone though something like this... Please I need help.

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  6. I have PCOS and im 18. had it a while now. i get angry all the time, my family i feel like they hate me because of my mood swings. i just shout and feel s and i shake and shiver with rage. sometimes it just naturally comes for a second and this gets me down the entire day, crying all the time. its terrible. i have a lot of facial hair and acne, but i'm not too fussed about that even though i get picked on and its extremely noticeable. i always think there's something mentally/psychologically wrong with me. i keep thinking of pushing my friends and family away not on purpose.
    thanks for your story :)

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  7. Well I was just diagnosed with PCOS this weekend I am on this emotional rollercoaster.I have the most supportive partner but is so hard. When I went to the gynae he told me that I could be pregnant or it could be a cyst, we never thought the worst at the time and were excited that we could be pregnant but had to wait 7 days to take a pregnancy test since it was too early. Within the week I got my period and it was the most painful experience of my life. I am doing more research about this only to find the seriousness of this illness.this week at work this lady terminated her 4th pregnancy and it is just so unfair that people that want a baby can't have.I try to remain positive but when I walk in malls I see how complete families are and wonder if I will get there.

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  8. Hi im lilian ... I was diagnosed with pcos when I was 16 .... it was really random the doctor just noticed that I had really thick chest hair and this just spiralled off for the worst .... I wason metformin fr 4 years ... now im 20 ... I cry for every single thing ... its ridiculous ... my boyfriend came with me for my pelvic scan and now hes freaked out and hes acting all distant ... over the past 4 months hes been pretty irritated withbmy emotional rollercoasters ..... he obviously doesnt understand whT im going through ... its amazing how I can relate to this post .... I feel like im reading about myself .... there are points in my relationship whers I will yell at my bf and then start crying and 5 mins later im happy again ... I feel like I black out during that anger process ... and most of the time ... I dont even remember what happened ... I forget stuff ..... I go through every emotion all in 1 day ..... ahhhh just a part of our lives .....

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  9. Omg....I have always wondered if I am crazy. I have been dealing with this for as long as I've had my period but has been misdiagnosed undiagnosed for the last ten years. I gave up on conventional medicine and I am now seeing a naturopath who hasn't diagnosed me yet as I've only seen her a few time and waiting for blood work but all signs point to pcos or possibly endo I.e hair on chest acne insane mood swings extended periods extreme pain excessive bleeding etc but BC I'm underweight it was never an option I guess to the conventional drs. I am ruining my marriage this is supposed to be our honeymoon stage but after dealing with my insanity for 10 years I think he's had it. He wants to know why I can't just stop being like this...that hurts so much BC I feel like I've been trying so hard. Am I just a lazy week person can I help being a crazy person??

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  10. This post made me cry. Ball really. I have never felt so akin to someone in their pain. I always wondered if I was crazy or had a mood disorder as I've always suffered from anxiety and my brother has ocd. I don't know what to say really...there are actually ppl put there that go crazy every month and push everyone away? I am so sorry for everyone's suffering. If you have any advice on how to manage mood swings and self esteem and explain to my husband that I just can't stop being like this? Or can I am I just a weak lazy person? I feel like I try so hard but at the same time I never feel like I do good enough. Does anyone else feel like this? Colleen

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    1. Hi Colleen, it has gotten easier and one of the best remedies is a vitamin B complex it helps to control the emotions. Also let your husband read my blog maybe hearing someone else's perspective might help him understand what your going through, its a huge life style change and diet and exercise help a lot whether your skinny or overweight. I stay away from the pill as that makes me go insane too many additional hormones adding to my hormonal mess. Its really hard to get out of the negative mindset and to be positive but you can. I felt the best when I was exercising, try Tabata style exercising only 4 mins a day but it does wonders. Good Luck and I hope you get to rekindle that fire in your marriage because you can xx

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    2. Thank you very much for your support I greatly appreciate it. I was thinking of showing him the blog BC I know its not his fault he doesn't understand BC I barely do. And yes the b vitamin seems to be the thing to try as I am taking inositol, fish oil ground flaxseed etc. I have never heard of tabata but I'll give it a try I am also wanting to start yoga has this been beneficial to anyone? As sometimes I find excersising too difficult when I'm in pain.

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    3. I also agree about the pill I went off it about 6 years ago for the same reason which is ironic bx it was supposed to help my mood swings periods etc. And just a suggestion but for any women that use tampons I highly recommend discontinuing their use I think it helps the body flow more naturally and some may also find they're actually painful to use as I did.

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  11. Wow okay now I don't feel so alone. I was diagnosed with PCOS last July and over the last couple of years it seems like my moods just keep getting harder and harder to control. I don't understand some of the things I say and do and later come back and don't even remember what was said. I feel like an alien in my own home. There is no one for me to talk to. My mom would just stress and husband would too. As far as friends I have none. Right now I feel like not leaving my room.

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  12. i really don't know y im doing this but the only thing that goes in my mind all the time is i miss myself. day or night that's all i feel. i feel shattared and wid every hair strand i loose i loose myself. i don't know wht is going on wid me. am i the victim here or m the one doing everything wrong? i need answers. i need to know what is the real problem here. i loved a guy soooo much. after every obstacle and after every of his mistake i forgave him. i made a part of myself but after i found out abt my pcos and start to loose to many hair i stop going out and in a month or so our relationship fell off like it was never right. i started to hate everything. i started to recall his every mistake and strted to taunt him for all the time he left me and hurted me. i started to feel collasped and hurt all the the time. i felt like i was shattering so i broke it off. and now after 3 months of pcos meds i feel nothing. i don't miss him. i don't feel disappointed. it was like he was never there. though i recieve a text from him every morning and he is not well. please can someone tell me what is going on wid me? please someone explain to me.

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  13. Hello Everyone, I need a suggestion over here. Me and My GF are dating for last 6 months now and it was going on really smooth in the beginning. She is having PCOS and she told me about this in the beginning itself. We had our tough times and we always dealt with it. I always supported her emotionally as i understod it was really tough for her to go through all this. I started reading blogs about PCOS and treatments and suggesting her ways. But then she started avoiding the topic of PCOS slowly alowly , and it came to the point where we had a small fight on it. We had a fight and as always i thought that we will sort it out. But after that for last one month, she is constantly trying to push me away and breakup with me. I know that she loves me, but she is showing me that she doesn't and just wants to be Friends with me. Somehow i try to just be friends with her and have casual chats, but it never worked. Most of the time we ended up fighting. I do not want to leave her alone like this, i know it is going to be tough, but I want to be with her. She doesnt even wants to meet me now ever, and sometimes she gets emotional too and tells me how low she feels. I Do not know how do i take this ahead from here as she is really adamant to push me away and just stay alone from all her friends and me. I can not leave her alone like this. Please help and suggest.

    Regards,
    OP Jha

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    1. give her a bit space so she can think straight. am the one who posted comment befre you. i have suffered from it and as i mentioned in my post i had a relationship. after it was broken off i went back to him. to have him in my life and just in 3 months he moved on even though he pretended that he would wait but he didnt . he was in a relationship when i approached to clear things up. in those 3 months i was alone and i gave some time to myself and i started feeling better and clear out my head. even though my ex was fake i was in state of mind that i recognised that i love him. so all i suggest u is be there for her bt give her some space coz that irritation will only go when she is thinking straight which will only happen when she gives herself time. other than that i wish u all the best and i hope it doesnt end up like my relationship coz it hurts to see how someone can pretend to truly love u but dont stand by their word

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    2. Its been more than 4 months now since the time she asked for some good space from me. We met once 2 months back, she told me that 6 months of relationship was just an infatuation for her and nothing more than that. She moved on and i am still here. Waiting.

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  14. Hello Everyone,

    Me (M25) and my GF (F23) are dating for last 7 months now. Everything was going smooth for first 4-5 months. I knew about the PCOS and her medications for it from the beginning and had no issues about it. It was under control. We used to fight over small topics and patchup soon like any other couples. 3 months back, her doctor asked her to go off the medication to check the results and she stopped taking medicines. Within a week time, she started being upset. She started feeling that we cant take this ahead. We had small fight like before and i expected that as always we will patchup son. But she was feeling really terrible. She wanted to breakit up. Her irrational behaviour scared a hell out of me. I just want her to be fine. I Just love her and want her to be fine, which she is not. She wants to stay away from everyone (All her friends as well as me). And she is also not ready to start her medications again and not really wants to talk to me about her Health problems. She had gained weight and acne problems too. I love her the way she is. I do not know how to make her feel good about herself and want to let her know that we can be good together again. She is not fine. Not at all. If any Girl out there having PCOS and went through the same situation and is now in good control. Kindly suggest.

    Regards.

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  15. Ladies ... This has to be the one biggest burden a woman can carry. I was diagnosed at 18 and I am almost 33. I have been in treatments and even ovarian drilling. Its will be 2 years in March I do not have a period and of course no medical insurance cause god bless america n helping citizens but n e ways ... I have pushed lifelong friends away... The only man I ever loved which is my ex husband ect...no one truly understands Ur condition nor do they truly care not knowing the extent and harm of this disease. I have both pcos and chronic endomitriosis. Its pretty much ruined my life n down here in Miami there isn't any groups or organization to help u cope.. More like get some insurance n pray for the best... I have given up all hope and am thinking of a hysterectomy as soon as I can get some insurance. I'm an emotional wreck and I have to finally except the fact I will never be a mother. I have pretty much lost all hope. Good luck

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  16. I think im about to be diagnosed with pcos. Isnt there any help you can get with your hormones?? I feel lucky because i have 2 children but i cant deal with my mood swings for the rest of my life...

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  17. I have pcos too! its incredibly hard im only 19 recently just married too.... as you probably can guess we are trying for a baby but thats seeming impossible, does anybody else just feel like nobody listens or understands whats going on ? not even the bloody doctor ? Im literally coming to breaking point because my hormones are literally fucking everywhere... one minute i could be the happiest person alive and then i can think of a situation in my head and cry my eyes out because i think my husband is always cheating on me or wanting to ( he isnt btw and i do trust him, i just get things into my head and i just react ) also its effecting my work life because im getting worse with my mood swings and that resolved in me getting so angry with a member of staff i nearly hit her because i was just so wound up by what she was doing/saying and i just get this huge rush of adrenaline ? (dont get me wrong this lady did deserve to be hit, i also stopped myself before anything actually did happen btw) but if you knew me then you would know how calm i am and how i believe violence isnt the solution but for a little while now that has totally change and im starting to hate the person im becoming because it just isnt me :/ please say someone can relate because i feel like im going mad....

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  18. Hi I'm Tiffany. I was finally diagnosed with PCOS after trying to get pregnant for over a year. I knew from the start I had irregular periods (3 or 4 times a year) but my previous doctors never diagnosed me. They just diagnosed my mood swings as anxiety and depression. I managed to get pregnant with fertility drugs and even though I'm on a small anti depressant, my mood swings are worse then they ever were. I can handle the crying, it's the anger and frustration that I'm afraid will cost me my job. This article really hit home when she said she had a male boss who didn't understand. So do I. He's told me I have a bad temper and need to control it. If only he knew! It's so hard to stop or control. It's like a twitch that won't go away until you do something about it. Luckily my husband doesn't stress me out to that point but work and people there sure do. (In retail) I'm so thankful there are others out there who understand!

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